No Donald Trump isn’t a Satanist, Satanists have principles…..

This came up on my FB feed, and I felt the need to address it, because I don’t think that any group should be forced into association with that tragic Oompa Loompa. I’m not going to claim that I am the end-all-be-all of knowledge when it comes to world religions, but I was born into a family of religion, to a father with a masters in theology. Religion has always been interesting to me, although my interest on the subject is more in regards to the coping mechanisms that bring about blind following. I would definitely say I’m more spiritual than religious, which I know is something that people say, but to date I’ve never found an organization that I can 100% stand with. I blame this on my Christian upbringing. The whole “Judge not lest ye be judged” and “treat others how you want to be treated” thing. So far every organized group that I’ve come across is like Gretchen Weiners in Mean Girls – “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!” and the reasons are usually vile. FYI, if the dude was around today, Jesus would totally be a liberal, I mean, if we’re going by the book (the good part with helping the poor, and hanging out with prostitutes, not the whole hellfire and damnation part – that was totally inserted by some dude that was way bitter).

Anyway. In defense of Satanists.

I have this unflinching thirst for knowledge of everything. My late night google sessions can start off with “what is this rash” and end with “Corn beef and cabbage is a symbol of oppression”. So yes, I have read about Satanism. Anton LaVey was a character, I would have loved to have met that guy, even for the simple fact that he owned a panther and used to walk it on the beach in San Francisco, and he played the calliope, an instrument that can kill you.

Way back almost exactly 50 years ago, in 1967, Anton LaVey laid out “The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth”, here they are in order, with the rebuttals as to why Trump isn’t as good as a Satanist.

  1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.screen-shot-2016-10-08-at-7-45-50-amScreen Shot 2016-10-08 at 7.47.06 AM.png
  2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.         – Google “Trump whines” you will find a whole page of articles about Trump complaining about an unfair media, that is simply using his quotes against him.
    1. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

    – Remember in 2011 when Trump went to the Whitehouse correspondents dinner? And Obama ripped him for pushing his birther conspiracy theory? Well he went on to claim that Obama wasn’t legally allowed to be the president for another 5 years. I’m positive he still believes this and only renounced his proclamation due to pressure from the GOP base. Why is this disrespectful? He was actively trying to discredit the first African American president, because he’s a racist fuck.

    1. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

    – I’m sure that he does this, so maybe this one is out. Although, he sure did like hanging out with Bill Clinton on his golf courses, and has a lot of shit to talk now so….

    1. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

    – “Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.” Oh and “Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”

    1. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

    – Hundreds of small business owners have come forward to say that Trump did not pay them in full or at all for their work. Some of these business owners have lost their businesses, and have never recovered. Pretty sure they didn’t ask for that.

    1. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

    – The fact that Trump has a brand is due to his father’s legacy. Many would agree that inheriting a vast fortune after completely failing at all previous business ventures is f’ing magic. Trump? Nah, he’s a “self made man”. Pretty sure with all the pussy grabbing talk, he’s not going to have much of a brand left after this election. He has poisoned himself and his legacy by denial of his privilege.

    1. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

    – Have you read his Twitter feed? I mean prior to this godforsaken election? All he does is complain. He complains about how “Celebrity Apprentice” didn’t win an Emmy, he complains about Arianna Huffington’s face, Rosie O’Donnell’s face, he complains about faces and the lack of gold stars a lot.

    1. Do not harm little children.

    – This one is up in the air. There is currently a lawsuit out there that alleges that he raped a 13-year-old. Aside from that he has actually stated that taking care of the kids is women’s business, and he’s never changed a diaper in his life. So even if he’s not a child raper, he’s an absentee dad, which is pretty fucking harmful.

    1. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

    – He fully supports Tweedle-Donald jr, and Tweedle-Eric’s sport hunting. They can live out their life in luxury without heading to the bush to kill elephants.

    1. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

    – This is where Trump jumps the gun. He attacks unprovoked. He seeks and destroys at random, declaring victory over battles that the other side had no idea were even an issue. He bothers people, provokes them, and when called out, he declares “HA HA I won!” like an insane toddler.

So there you have it. Don’t insult Satanists. Donald Trump is not a Satanist, he’s a different beast altogether.

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