How @realDonaldTrump Made Me Reclaim the Word Feminist

Way back a million years ago when I was a kid in school, and learned about all the stuff you learn about, like women’s suffrage, and Roe V. Wade, and how everything is equal now, and you can be anything you want to be, and tralalalalala…….It was kind of like “Ok, everything is good now, good thing I was born at this time! I’m set – thank you previous generations for being fucking awesome!”, but then I left the loving arms of my parents to enter the real world.

My parents have opinions, but they’re definitely not embroiled in any hate culture nasties like sexism, racism, homophobia etc. They are very live and let live, respect people, animals, and life in general – basically taught me a “don’t be a dick” style philosophy, which seems like a very simple concept, but it’s unfortunately lost on the majority of the populace. Now, because of the glorious internet – they all have voices that can reach out far and wide. Thank you internet!

Somewhere around the mid-to-late-90’s I noticed that the term Feminist turned into something scary and evil. “Shock Jocks” like Rush Limbaugh, and Tom Leykis were gaining these little weird tribes of toddler manboypigs all ready to scream “get in the kitchen or get on your knees!”. Hissing that female empowerment was castrating. I remember the term “Feminazi” spat out any time anyone was the least bit offended and vocal about blatant inequality. Decades and decades of gaining “equal rights” and we’re still being told to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.

Fast forward to today, and we still have a good number of women in the entertainment industry vehemently denying the word feminist. Why? What does it even mean to be a Feminist?

When you pull up the Webster’s dictionary definition, it’s simply someone who supports feminism, and feminism is the “theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes”. So why the fuck is that scary? That’s normal, or at least what should be normal. What it amounts to is a bunch of manboys, scared that someone is going to take their power away. Dude, we don’t want your power, we just don’t want to live in a world where we are forced to get by on $.77 of the $1 you make while you slap our asses and tell us to get your coffee.

I’ve owned the word “feminist” for a long while now, but I’ve never wanted to scream it off roof-tops until Donald Trump started his campaign. Everyone knows the horrible things he says about women. It’s highly publicized, and for some reason laughed off as an innocuous byproduct of the time and privilege in which he was raised. What is concerning about it is that he’s vying for a position that represents this country, and his minions are absorbing and regurgitating his backwards beliefs as truth.

I started a Twitter account a long time ago, but never really used it until I was coerced into adding all kinds of family members on the Facebook, some of which don’t appreciate my dirty sailer mouth. I like bad words. I consider them the color in the salad. Salads aren’t pretty when they’re all green, they’re pretty when you throw red, pink, yellow, and sometimes purple in there. I have a colorful, dirty sailor mouth, and I’ve been on this planet long enough to have earned it. So I may protect gramma’s delicate ears on FB, she’s not on twitter, and I’m an adult. One of the things that I’ve noticed on Twitter, is that DT, and his minions, the moment they want to shut down a woman, they attack their looks. I mean everything from calling Rosie O’Donnell a fat cow, and Bette Middler “grotesque”, to saying that because Bill stepped out (fucking creep), how in the world would Hillary be able to satisfy the country’s needs? Because you know, we’re here because vagina and bringing you pie?

I don’t care that one douche says these things. I care that he inspires tribes of poorly educated, easily brainwashed minions to follow suit.  They see a billionaire spewing this hate vomit, and think that they’ll one day be as successful as he is, in a private plane, buying mail-order model brides, living a life that they can only dream about, but the thing is, Trump was handed this life. He didn’t earn it from the ground up. He has zero concept of what it is to struggle, and wouldn’t do a damn thing to help someone that he saw struggling if he didn’t think it would benefit him more.  

This whole post was brought on by an interesting Twitter exchange. I had commented on an article about how Trump bragged about how he wouldn’t have let the Black Lives Matter protesters interrupt him. He said that it made Bernie Sanders look weak. I was stoked that he keeps alienating every group in the country except old white dudes, because that pretty much ensures a failed campaign. Then I had a fun little exchange with a born again Christian that insisted if I followed the path to Jesus I would find my way to Trump. No, for serious. It went like this:

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And then I got this (and responded – although, I’m sure the sarcasm was lost, being the internet and all.

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Notice what he did there? Not one of those things that’s supposed to be an insult was about me. The funniest thing was that I googled SJW because, me, having been in science school (totally the correct term) for the last couple of years thought that maybe that was a known eyeglass brand, and since I consider the glasses in the picture quite comfortable I was stoked to find a new supplier – thanks random internet asshole! Yep, I’m too dumb to know that SJW stands for “Social Justice Warrior” or at least I was until last night. My acronyms are all like AAR (ALT/AST ratio) and ZIP (Zinc, Iron, Protein), because my small girl brains only know medical shit.

So really, let’s breakdown Mr. @‘s tweet. I look up this SJW BS and come up with social justice warrior. According to the urban dictionary thingy, it’s “A pejorative term for an individual who repeatedly and vehemently engages in arguments on social justice on the Internet, often in a shallow or not well-thought-out way, for the purpose of raising their own personal reputation.” Oh my! That sounds like I might have been called a name! Do all of these SJW’s wear the same glasses like a dark mark? I’ve worn acetate glasses since I was 9, they’re comfortable on the ears and don’t squeeze my head after hours of wear, have I subconsciously fallen to the darkside in my quest for vision?! HOLY SHIT! Unkept hair? Well, yeah, my hair is naturally curly, and I often allow it to remain this way because working 12 hour shifts and allowing time for homework, and hopefully a few minutes of a social life, isn’t exactly conducive to a 45 minute wrangling with a flatiron. Sorry dude, I like sleep just like you do. “Typical special snowflake nosering”, well now you’re just being sarcastic, and sucking at it. Hey, everyone with a septum piercing – according to @ you’re not a special snowflake, because bunches of people have them, we should all get offended right the fuck now! Not that it needs an explanation, but I got my septum pierced when I was 16, because it was easily hidden. I actually remember the day that I took that picture, it was to show off my new cat-eye glasses that I got for a total bargain, and I had been cleaning, found the nose ring, and for fun put it in. Hadn’t worn it in years. but I think now, I might just go ahead and buy a great big obnoxious septum clicker, that way I get more people to laugh at. Finally, I believe he meant “figuratively” in his shallow observation of my avatar. My comfortable glasses and lack of time make me “figuratively” a complete tool. Fuck the internet and it’s opportunities for inappropriate word choice by stupid people – LITERALLY STUPID PEOPLE. See, that’s correct usage, literally is not just a word used to emphasize something, it actually means something. English, totally crazy right?

Notice how none of these points were even about me. They were about a teeny picture that I thought was funny, and happened to like, and never bothered to change, FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS, because I’ve been doing shit. It’s not necessary for me to change the picture, I’m not trying deceive anyone, or hook up with anyone. I already have the best, smartest, hottest husband in the universe.

The only reason why I’m writing this, is because it’s not the first time it’s happened. This dude is far from original. It’s the same for every girl. We reflect on one, but it’s only after hundreds or sometimes thousands of douchebag minion bullshit.

On the internet, I’m consistently “put in my place” *eye roll* by someone with some major insecurity issues. I’ve been told that a total stranger “Will pray for my family” because he feels sorry for them, yeah dude, get on your fucking knees, sorry I can’t join you, I’ve got shit to do. I’ve also had individual parts of my face and or body been mentioned as a point of concern such as my “pretty mouth”, “dirty mouth” etc. A lot of mouth talk. It’s weird and creepy. Also lots of boob talk, because I have those. Two of them even. More than a handful. It’s totally genetic, can’t do a thing about it without serious medical intervention. Just like I can’t do much to surgically remove heads from the asses of anyone who finds @‘s unsolicited opinion a clever retort.

Until the GOP finds a candidate that doesn’t consistently vote against my gender – directly affecting me, my well being, and pursuit of happiness, I will not give them my vote, and will actively display disdain for their practice, because WHO SMELT IT DELT IT. Yes I’m using fart logic. You fart evil hate in my house, I return the favor. Totally fair. Totally equal. Now fuck off, and come back with a good insult this time. One that doesn’t have to do with my looks, because if I was really concerned about that, I could totally fix it.

In the words of the great Christina Aguilera (yeah this goth bitch has her own movie montage, and it’s always to this song):

“Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter”

I thank you @realDonaldTrump, for exposing the truth about the people that believe in you. I am a fucking feminist, because that’s an interest specific to my gender. And it’s awesome, because women are awesome, not the awesomest – just equally as awesome as our male counterparts.


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