No Donald Trump isn’t a Satanist, Satanists have principles…..

This came up on my FB feed, and I felt the need to address it, because I don’t think that any group should be forced into association with that tragic Oompa Loompa. I’m not going to claim that I am the end-all-be-all of knowledge when it comes to world religions, but I was born into a family of religion, to a father with a masters in theology. Religion has always been interesting to me, although my interest on the subject is more in regards to the coping mechanisms that bring about blind following. I would definitely say I’m more spiritual than religious, which I know is something that people say, but to date I’ve never found an organization that I can 100% stand with. I blame this on my Christian upbringing. The whole “Judge not lest ye be judged” and “treat others how you want to be treated” thing. So far every organized group that I’ve come across is like Gretchen Weiners in Mean Girls – “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!” and the reasons are usually vile. FYI, if the dude was around today, Jesus would totally be a liberal, I mean, if we’re going by the book (the good part with helping the poor, and hanging out with prostitutes, not the whole hellfire and damnation part – that was totally inserted by some dude that was way bitter).

Anyway. In defense of Satanists.

I have this unflinching thirst for knowledge of everything. My late night google sessions can start off with “what is this rash” and end with “Corn beef and cabbage is a symbol of oppression”. So yes, I have read about Satanism. Anton LaVey was a character, I would have loved to have met that guy, even for the simple fact that he owned a panther and used to walk it on the beach in San Francisco, and he played the calliope, an instrument that can kill you.

Way back almost exactly 50 years ago, in 1967, Anton LaVey laid out “The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth”, here they are in order, with the rebuttals as to why Trump isn’t as good as a Satanist.

1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.         – Google “Trump whines” you will find a whole page of articles about Trump complaining about an unfair media, that is simply using his quotes against him.
   3. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

   – Remember in 2011 when Trump went to the Whitehouse correspondents dinner? And Obama ripped him for pushing his birther conspiracy theory? Well he went on to claim that Obama wasn’t legally allowed to be the president for another 5 years. I’m positive he still believes this and only renounced his proclamation due to pressure from the GOP base. Why is this disrespectful? He was actively trying to discredit the first African American president, because he’s a racist fuck.

   4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

   – I’m sure that he does this, so maybe this one is out. Although, he sure did like hanging out with Bill Clinton on his golf courses, and has a lot of shit to talk now so….

   5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

   – “Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.” Oh and “Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”

   6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

   – Hundreds of small business owners have come forward to say that Trump did not pay them in full or at all for their work. Some of these business owners have lost their businesses, and have never recovered. Pretty sure they didn’t ask for that.

   7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

   – The fact that Trump has a brand is due to his father’s legacy. Many would agree that inheriting a vast fortune after completely failing at all previous business ventures is f’ing magic. Trump? Nah, he’s a “self made man”. Pretty sure with all the pussy grabbing talk, he’s not going to have much of a brand left after this election. He has poisoned himself and his legacy by denial of his privilege.

   8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

   – Have you read his Twitter feed? I mean prior to this godforsaken election? All he does is complain. He complains about how “Celebrity Apprentice” didn’t win an Emmy, he complains about Arianna Huffington’s face, Rosie O’Donnell’s face, he complains about faces and the lack of gold stars a lot.

   9. Do not harm little children.

   – This one is up in the air. There is currently a lawsuit out there that alleges that he raped a 13-year-old. Aside from that he has actually stated that taking care of the kids is women’s business, and he’s never changed a diaper in his life. So even if he’s not a child raper, he’s an absentee dad, which is pretty fucking harmful.

   10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

   – He fully supports Tweedle-Donald jr, and Tweedle-Eric’s sport hunting. They can live out their life in luxury without heading to the bush to kill elephants.

   11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

   – This is where Trump jumps the gun. He attacks unprovoked. He seeks and destroys at random, declaring victory over battles that the other side had no idea were even an issue. He bothers people, provokes them, and when called out, he declares “HA HA I won!” like an insane toddler.

So there you have it. Don’t insult Satanists. Donald Trump is not a Satanist, he’s a different beast altogether.

Anger Dream Consequences

You know how sometimes you have dreams where you wake up and you’re immediately pissed at someone you love because they’ve slighted you in your dream somehow? Last week, in my dream, my loving husband wanted to divorce me. Maybe no reason, maybe midlife crisis, maybe buyer’s remorse, I don’t know, but it was real, and I woke up with the anger of Kim Jung Un being denied by his kindergarten love interest. I hired a firing squad, I came with torches, every fiber of my being wanted to inflict pain and suffering. Of course my husband doesn’t want to divorce me. My dream was about my insecurities. I know this because I waterboarded him until he said he loved me forever. Just kidding. Kind of.

This morning, I got my payback.

Him: I had the worst fucking dream last night

Me: Was it that Prince was still alive? wait that’s a good dream. Is Prince still alive?

Him: Shut the fuck up about Prince, I….

Me: But I really want to address…..

Him: No, shut up, you were pregnant

Me: I’m glad that us spawning gives you nightmares

Him: No, you were pregnant and I was expecting a baby and was so happy, and…

Me: I BIRTHED THE REINCARNATION OF PRINCE!

Him: SHUT UP! No, you went into labor and a baby came out, and then you said, “Hang on, here come the other two”, you told me there was one in there, and there were THREE!!!

Me: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Him: Never hide triplets from me.

Me: I don’t plan on that ever happening.

Him: Good because I’m really pissed, and that’s way too many babies, and why would you do that?

Me: Uh, I didn’t, I don’t think I can get three in there, like it’s just gross and impossible.

Him: Well don’t…

Me: Can I make Party of Five jokes now?

Now I know that all day long, he’s going to be thinking about how I’m hiding triplets in my womb. This is so the beginning of the bestest/worstest ongoing joke I can bring up constantly.

#NotAllMen is fucking poison.

Comedian, and feminist Jen Kirkman is awesomely vocal about the disparity that women face navigating day to day life. Today, all day, she’s been retweeting horrific stories from women around the world of their experiences. They range from annoyance, to down right malignant. The thing to keep in mind is that each tweet, is ONE example from ONE woman, a woman that has had many (hundreds, maybe thousands) of these experiences, and will continue to have them until the day they die because men are awful.

This thread was started because of a clever tweet about street harassment, that of course received a ton of defensive negative response.

As the #NotAllMen comments started to flow, the thread took on a life of it’s own, and it’s still growing, because there is no end until men fucking check themselves, and put other men in check. We know that not all men do this. We’re not fucking stupid. What we want you to know is that #YesAllWomen is a thing, and while you’re busy defending yourself, you’re ignoring that this is happening to people that you love.

I decided to come up with a list of my own, for posterity, and hopefully education on what women face. This list does not include, random cat calls (because I would be writing this shit for days, and I’ve lost count). These are examples of the most fucked up, most malignant incidences.

Let’s start from the beginning.

8 years old: Broad daylight, at church camp. A 13 year old boy cornered me in a treehouse, asking me if I had learned sex education in school yet, mocking my ignorance, and asking me if I wanted to learn some stuff. I kicked him in the balls and fucking ran. I ran into this asshole as a grown adult later, while with a boyfriend that had known him in high school. My boyfriend introduced me, and they chatted for a bit, all the while I felt like I was going to vomit. I guess I couldn’t figure out a smooth way to say “hey remember that time you sexually harassed a 7 year old at church camp, that was me!”. Later that night, I told my boyfriend the story, because he said he was thinking of inviting the guy out with us sometime.

9 years old: Someone (presumably male based on the handwriting), slipped a note into my 3 ring binder that I found later when I started my homework. It read “thanks for last night, bitch”.

From about 9-13 there was a group of boys at school that took turns picking on me. Offenses ranged from pushing/tripping me on a near daily basis, sending me home with bloody knees, breaking my glasses, calling me cute, and then when I ignored it or rejected it, I got called ugly. By the time I went to Jr. High I took to faking sick so I could stay home from school, because a lot of times it was just too much to deal with, and it was always written off as “boys will be boys”.

12 years old: At a rest stop on one of our family trips to Oregon, I went to the bathroom alone, and while sitting on a toilet, I saw mens shoes walk up to and stop in front of my stall. I pretended to talk to “someone” in the next stall, “hey mom can you pass me a roll? The TP is out.” the shoes ran out.

15 years old: While standing on a street corner in broad daylight, waiting for the light to change, a man in a truck yelled “How much baby?”. I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a flannel.

18 years old: Halloween night, I went to see a band play and ran into an old friend. He was a bit tipsy, and we wanted to see if we could get someone to buy us some beer. We walked down the street to a 7-11 and a guy said he’d hook us up, if I went inside the store with him. I stupidly agreed, and while pointing out what we wanted, he reached up my skirt, fully cupped an asscheek and squeezed. I ran, grabbed my drunk friend, and made him run with me – so fast that when we got back to the venue, he vomited.

20 years old: My stepmom (SUPER pregnant at the time) and I went thrift store shopping. While in the car at a stop, a truck pulled up next to us. When the light turned green they remained the same pace as us, and started cat calling. The driver did that super classy two finger cunnilingus sign at me. This made my stepmom fly into a rage, I will never forget her leaning over me with her super pregnant belly screaming “don’t you fucking do that at my daughter you fucking pieces of trash” while driving, and trying to pull away, because they were pacing us the whole fucking way.

21 years old: I worked at a bookstore. It was a slow day, and I was behind the front counter looking through a magazine. There was a wall to the right of the check out counter that was taller than the counter so that we could put a book display on it that people would see when they walked in. It was about shoulder high to an adult man. I set my magazine down to ring up a male customer. He took his bag and started to walk out, but then paused at the wall, and just stared at me. It was really fucking creepy. I asked him if he needed anything else, he slowly closed his eyes, looked at me again, said “No thank you”, then smiled and walked out. I didn’t think much of it, until about an hour later when I got a phone call. It was a guy who said “remember when you rang me up earlier today, and we locked eyes as I left? I was masterbating”.

21 years old: I was walking to a coffee shop in the early evening. A white car pulled up, a guy rolled down the window and asked if I needed a ride somewhere. I told him no thank you. The car sped off. A couple blocks later, the same car pulled up again, the window rolled down, he said “are you sure you don’t want a ride somewhere”, I responded with “No thanks, I’m good”, and the car sped off again. A few more blocks down and he shows up again, this time he pulls up right in front of me as I was about to cross the street, yelled “you should have taken the ride bitch!” and then sped off. I ran to the coffee shop, knowing that my friends would be there, and there was a security guard on duty at all times. There was a security guard and duty at all times because there had been a rash of rapes perpetrated by someone that drove a white car, and frequently picked women up from that plaza. The same plaza as the bookstore. When I told my roommate the story of the white car, she told me that a white car had followed her home one night after school, and that she sped up to get into the gate of our apartment complex, the white car hit the gate as it closed. She had been really freaked out because the only thing that was being reported about the serial rapist is that he was driving a white car, and picked up girls near her school, and the strip mall that we hung out at. That serial rapist’s career ended with murder. He chased his last victim in her car. Her car was found crashed on a side road, shot full holes, with blood in it. Her body was found on a grassy hill in the middle of nowhere. I honestly don’t want to know if these are related. I lived in a smaller suburb at the time, and even if it’s just a coincidence, it makes me sick to my stomach.

25 years old: I was out at a club with my best friend, this harassment really belongs to her, I was just threatened with violence. We were talking, and smoking, waiting for a band to come on or something. I was mid sentence when I noticed my friend’s eyes had become even bigger than they usually are (seriously, she’s got alien huge eyeballs, they’re really pretty). There was a man in jeans and a jersey standing behind her grabbing her ass. I looked at him and said “Excuse me, get your hands off my girlfriend!”, and the guy countered with “I thought this was a fetish club”. This was a goth club, and it did have a fetish room – upstairs, with performers, it was not a free for-all ass grab orgy club (do those exist, and even if they do, is that automatic consent?). I told him that he was mistaken, and that he needs to keep his fucking hands to his fucking self, and get the fuck off my friend. She clammed up. Completely frozen, just not even knowing what to do with this situation as me and this jackass were exchanging barbs. Another girl ran to get security, the guy was tossed out, yelling about how he was from San Francisco, and we had weak ass clubs in LA or some such bullshit. What I didn’t know is that this screaming back and forth had caused a group of men to form behind me, they thought that this was going to escalate into me getting hit. While it’s comforting to know, had asshead actually thrown a punch, he would have been pounded severely by a group of guys, why didn’t they step in and say “Hey dude – touching girls is not ok, threatening girls is not ok, you need to leave, because you don’t belong here”. I’m not saying that we “need” men to protect us, but dudes, let other men know that it’s not ok to treat women this way. Speak up. Don’t wait for fists to fly.

26 years old: Same club, probably one of the last times I went, because it was just not fun anymore. I had been doing my usual, drinking and dancing for hours. It was time to hydrate, and wind down. Dance my buzz off. I went to the bar to get water, and as I was waiting a guy came up and offered to buy me a drink. I politely said “thanks, but I’m just getting a glass of water”. “Come on, let me buy you a drink.”, “Nah man, I just want some water, but thank you.”, “Well, let me get you the water, and a drink.”, “I don’t want a drink, I want water – look, my boyfriend is right over there, we’re going to be leaving.” (yeah I lied, I thought a made up boyfriend would deter him), “I don’t care about your boyfriend, let me get you a drink.”. Now I’m pissed. “I don’t want a drink, you’re so insistent on getting me a drink, you gonna roophie that drink? I’ve told you no, a bunch of times, let me get my water in peace”. His response “You don’t need to be a bitch about it, I was trying to be nice”… Are you fucking kidding me?

33 years old: I get threatened by a man who had been saying “hey cutie, hey honey” while following me. I ignored him, clutched my pepper spray, because he would not go away, and he was being really weird. His response? “Bitch, you got pepper spray, I got a gun. Stuck up white bitch”. I wrote a blog about it. There was more to that story. I just wanted chips and salsa.

35 years old: I get chased down an alley with a man wrapped in a blanket, screaming “die bitch, die”. That’s all I’m going to write about this one because I’ve recently decided that I’m tired, and need to wrap this up.

This is just a taste. I can’t reiterate that enough. These are the ones that stick out in my mind the most. I’ve also been grinded on inside of a 7-11 (I don’t know why these stores are so f’ing weird), followed in cars, down streets, had to change my route to make sure that someone following wouldn’t find out where I lived, cat calls at least once an outing when I go for a walk – ranging from mild to offensive. Honestly, I don’t leave my house on foot much more anymore. It’s just too obnoxious. I’m glad that I have school and work to keep me busy, and it’s not fair that I have that mentality.

Bottom line, all you #NotAllMen guys, while you’re bemoaning about being lumped in with a bunch of assholes, people that you love are being treated this way. Stop trying to defend yourself, and protect someone actually being injured.

 

That One Time I Didn’t Get Raped and/or Shot

 

A horrible, tragic murder happened pretty recently, that is an unfortunate perfect example of why I’m a feminist occurred. Janese Talton-Jackson, was murdered because she said no. This should infuriate and sadden everyone, because our society sets up tragedies like this every day. This hit particularly close to home, because I am sometimes a dumbass. No, you know what? I take that back, I just like to do my own thing, as I should be able to do because I’m an adult human. This is a story I don’t/have not shared with many because I don’t want to hear a certain set of questions that are a huge problem.

One day, within my first year of living in St. Louis, around 10 p.m. I really wanted chips and salsa. LIKE I NEEDED THEM IN MY FACE RIGHT THAT MINUTE. There is a 7-11 across the street from my house, which I now know is shady as fuck. Literally every weird thing that has happened to me in St. Louis has happened inside of, walking to, or walking away from this 7-11. I don’t walk there anymore. If I go, I have a game plan. I know what I’m going for, I come in my vehicle with the doors locked up to the point that I’m going to exit the vehicle, and the doors are locked the moment I’m back in my vehicle. Why not just go to another 7-11? Because the next one that I know of, is 5 miles away – conveniently inconvenient for a convenience store.

I want my chips and salsa, I want them now. I also don’t want to drive my car across the street, because why? It takes longer to exit my building, enter the parking garage, get up to the 4th floor, start my car, exit out of the parking garage go to a place, park. Get back in the car, back to the building, find the card key, get to the 4th floor, park etc. Why not just walk across the street? So, I layered up, and started walking. Halfway there, less than a block from my house, I’ve been outside for 2 minutes I hear. “Hey baby” from a male voice. I don’t even look, just keep walking while thinking “don’t engage”. From here on, the male in this conversation will be known as FPA (for fucking psychotic asshole).

FBA: Hey baby, hey sugar

Me: (Thinking, don’t engage, don’t engage)

FBA: Girl, I’m talking to you, you’re looking pretty cute!

Me: (Thinking “WTF dude, I’m wrapped up like a fucking Eskimo!”)

FBA: Can’t you year me sweet thing?

Me: Yeah, just going to 7-11, it’s cool man

FBA: You’re pretty cute, come talk to me

Me: Just going to 7-11 dude

FBA: Bitch

Obviously my pace quickened, and as I instinctively clutched my pepper spray tightly in my hands I hear, something that makes my heart fucking race.

FBA: Bitch, you think you’re too good for me? I just want to talk to you! What?! You got pepper spray *laughs* I’ve got a fucking gun bitch!

I actually ran across the street, and into the 7-11 parking lot without looking for cars as fast as I could, because that 7-11 as shady as it is, ALWAYS has a police officer there.

When I changed routes for the way home, and texted the one female friend that I had made out here she asked “Well why would you go there to begin with?”, and my response was, and I stand by it “Because it’s a fucking convenience store, it’s sole purpose is for me to conveniently obtain chips and salsa whenever I fucking please!”.

I was lucky, nothing actually happened. Janese was murdered for saying no.

Men claiming you have been harassed on the streets – I doubt you’ve been threatened with bodily harm and/or murder. SIT THE FUCK DOWN, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

We (women) deal with this on the daily. From the moment we step outside. If we say “Hi” out of politeness, it’s an open invitation. If we ignore, we’re a “bitch”. If we speak up we’re a”bitch”.  If we defend ourselves, we’re a “bitch”. If we do anything but submit, we’re a “bitch”. So fuck the fuck off with your “I’ve been catcalled before” bullshit. You get catcalled, you move on, try getting catcalled every fucking time you leave your house and then threatened with violence unless you submit. If you’re whining about being catcalled and you are male – you need to look at your sister, mom, cousin, girlfriend, friend – and acknowledge that you’ve never known what it’s like to truly have been harassed. We all have stories, every single one of us. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

 

 

Do Men Have The Same List?

I read this article today, a list of 34 things women do to stay safe(er).  These are all things that we are taught, at a very young age. Protect yourself, be aware etc. Here’s the list. I have these ingrained in my head from forever. Even in my early to mid 20’s when I was rolling into the club in not much more than a tutu and some electrical tape, I walked with LA face. This means forward, destination always known, total confidence, “Not today bro” statements, mace hidden in one hand, keys splayed in the other, no fucking fear, 115 lbs soaking wet with the ability to shake off comments. I miss 20’s me. I was always ready to throw an elbow. Something about having less body mass when you have a bad attitude means you’re always ready to defend yourself. There was always a game plan, and when we left, we slipped into something more comfortable and less confrontational because we were tired and didn’t fucking feel like dealing.

Here’s the list from the article:

1. Walk with our keys grasped between our fingers in case we need to use them as a weapon.
2. Making sure to have the correct key out and ready before we get to our door
3. When someone is walking closely behind us on the street, we stop to pretend to make a phone call or otherwise occupy ourselves to allow them to pass in front of us.
4. Walk past our destination, particularly if it’s our home, if someone has been trailing us for a while.
5. Scope out potential safe havens if someone appears to be following us.
6. Stay in well-lit areas at night even if it means taking a longer route.
7. Switch up our running routes to avoid potential stalkers learning our route.
8. Change direction if a car appears to be following us while we’re walking on foot.
9.Run outdoors with only one earbud in to keep the other on our surroundings.
10. Pretend to listen to music while walking by men who attempt to engage with us.
11. Change the locks when housekeys are misplaced.
12.Take alternative routes to avoid areas we know we are likely to face street harassment.
13. Cross the street when we see men who look like they might be drunk.
14. Late at night, cross to the other side of the street when anyone is walking towards us.
15. Avoid eye contact with men trying to get our attention.
16. Decide the cost of a taxi is worth it.
17. Avoid entering stairwells or elevators occupied by only one other person who is a stranger.
18. Text a friend before going out for a run or on a date with a stranger.
19. Avoid social situations if a man whose prior advance made us uncomfortable might be there.
20. Decide not to open Facebook messages from unknown men, who could see the message has been “Read” and become hostile and harassing.
21. Never open the door for someone we’re not expecting and stay still until the doorbell stops ringing.
22. When bringing heavy bags and packages into the house or apartment, locking and unlocking the door with every trip.
23. Avoid sleeping naked in case of an intruder or on-looker.
24. Buy pepper spray: for the purse, for the car, one for the home.
25. Make sure we’re not the only woman on the subway car or bus.
26. Avoid getting off at our bus or train stop if a man who has been staring exits at the same time.
27. Check our mirrors frequently while driving, noting characteristics and license plate numbers of cars trailing close behind.
28. Driving in a circle if we sense we might be followed.
29. Park next to a light post when it’s dark outside.
30. Wear a hoodie when driving late at night to appear male to other drivers.
31. Check for an official city medallion number when entering a taxi.
32. Never leave a drink unattended at a party.
33. Run outside in baggy clothes, even if it’s hot, to decrease the chances of unsolicited commentary on our anatomy.
34.Making sure we have enough cell phone battery life before leaving one location to last until we get to another.

I grew up going to shows and clubs in LA, knowing that statistically I had a 1 in 4 chance of being sexually assaulted in my life. My game face has always been on. So far, so good, because I’m loud. I say something loudly when something is inappropriate, why wouldn’t I? Like this one time, when my best friend was grabbed inappropriately at a club by an outsider. “I’m from San Francisco, I know what bondage clubs are about!”. Bitch rolled in with blue jeans and a ball cap, and didn’t realize that I was going to call him out as loud as I could. I don’t care where you’re from, I don’t care what you’re used to, don’t put your hands on people that don’t agree to it. Period. (It wasn’t a bondage club BTW, it was a goth club, there was a spanky room upstairs but we were on the main floor, waiting for a band to play – and that shouldn’t matter – don’t put your hands on others unless invited).

Here’s the proposed list for men:

1. Don’t creepily stalk girls so they feel they need to grasp their keys like a weapon.
2. Don’t creepily stalk girls when they’re trying to get home, safe, and alive.
3. Don’t fucking creepily stalk girls. Don’t make us fake a phone call to get away from your creepy stalker ass.
4. Don’t follow girls to their home. If you meet a girl while out and about, and she’s interested, awesome, ask for her number – DON’T FUCKING FOLLOW HER HOME. That’s fucking creepy. When girls follow guys they get labeled psycho, when we get followed – you’re a fucking stalking creepy perv. I hope you know that labels go both ways. Don’t fucking follow us home, it’s fucking gross.
5. Every place should be a safe haven for everyone. We shouldn’t have to find safety from your sorry ass.
6. Don’t make us take longer routes. We should be able to take shortcuts without fear. You do. Sometimes entire streets are blacked out in storms – why the fuck do I need to take longer to get home because you’re an asshole?
7. We’re working out. Go the fuck away. Don’t follow us unless you’re invited. We shouldn’t have to change up our routine because you’re an asshole.
8. Don’t follow girls in cars. We’re trying to go somewhere, we’re not going to hook up with you willingly if you’re a creepy car stalker either. Don’t follow. If we don’t say “hey baby, follow me to my place.” move the fuck on.
9. Running with one earbud in while running outside is a good idea always because then you can hear whats going with cars, which should be the only thing women should have to worry about.
10. Behave yourself. You have a fucking mother, or sister, or female cousin, or maybe even a daughter. Pretend every women out on the street is one of those women and don’t fucking talk shit. This is actually funny, because when I hit 30 I got boobs. I mean BOOBS. I would go to the gym, and sometimes I just didn’t want to listen to anything, I wanted to read my book, but I put the ear buds in anyway to prevent people from talking to me. This one time, these two OC jack-off douche bags, were talking about my boobs while I was on a treadmill, and with absolute resting bitch face, I turned and said “I can hear you”, I’ve never seen two bitches flee so fucking fast in my life. I still laugh at their stupid asses.
11. We shouldn’t have to replace house keys, because you shouldn’t be entering other peoples houses unless invited. That’s just common sense. Do you want someone you don’t know in your house, where you sleep, where your family sleeps? No. Don’t fucking go into someone else’s house. Finding a key isn’t an invitation.
12. We don’t have time to find alternate routes. We have jobs, we have school, we have families. Don’t be an asshole. If there is a way from point A to point B that is fastest – I’m going to take it, AS IS MY RIGHT.
13. Don’t be a drunk asshole harassing women in public. Fuck, I’ve been a drunk asshole in public, everyone’s been a drunk asshole in public. If you think this might be you, and you think that you might end up harassing women to the point of them altering their preferred route, consider AA, or at very least going out with a sober friend that can direct your drunk harassing ass. It’s not our fault you need a fucking babysitter. Get home and don’t be a dick on the way.
14. We shouldn’t have to cross the street when we see other people. Don’t be the creepy guy that makes us do that.
15. Eye contact isn’t an invitation. Eye contact is what is done in polite society. Know that this doesn’t mean we want to fuck you.
16. If we don’t have the money for a taxi, we shouldn’t feel as though our trip home is a battlefield.
17. If you’re entering a stairwell or elevator, and a single woman is there, don’t be a creepy dick, don’t make her feel uncomfortable entering, and don’t attack her in said stairwell or elevator.
18. We shouldn’t have to let everyone we know, know what we’re doing by ourselves at all times. Sometimes we want to be alone and we shouldn’t have to preface that with a text that says “hey if I don’t show up at X time call the police”.
19. If we’ve previously said we’re not interested, don’t be a creep about it. We still have the same rights to be at a place without feeling like we might assaulted because we’re not interested. What do guys do when they’re not interested? “Next!”, all we want is the same.
20. Don’t send creepy gross Facebook messages. We’ll either ignore, or report them for harassment. I’m fond of reporting people for harassment. I’m fond of getting pages shut down for hate speech. I’m fond of silencing every mother fucker that wants to infringe on a live and let live person. It sounds contradictory, but it’s not. I’m generally happy in my life, I shouldn’t have to put up with your harassment. It’s really that simple.
21. Don’t show up at someone’s door unless you have business with them or an appointment. You want my crazy ass at your door? No? Don’t come to mine unexpected.
22. This goes along with don’t go in anyone’s house unless you’re invited. I don’t lock my door on multiple trips, but it’s because I’m in a secured building that requires a fob for entrance. We shouldn’t have to think of this shit though – if it’s not your house, don’t go in it unless you’re invited. Fuck, why the fuck does this need explanation?
23. I’ve always preferred pajamas, but DON’T GO INTO OTHER PEOPLE’S HOUSES. Seriously, if it’s not your house, don’t go into it. That’s not hard. See, there’s your house, and you can walk around naked, you can piss on everything, you can do whatever the fuck you want. This is my house. If I didn’t like pajamas so much I should be able to walk naked all around this place.
24. Don’t do dick things that make people need pepper spray for their house, car, purse, and pocket.
25. Don’t make us feel uncomfortable or unsafe for being the only women on the subway, bus, train etc.
26. Don’t follow women that get off at the same stop as you, it’s just the same stop, that doesn’t mean we want your attention. You’re allowed to say something if you’re interested, but we’re allowed to say NO, if we’re not. Don’t be a creeper.
27. Don’t follow anyone while they’re driving. Just don’t follow anyone. Don’t stalk anyone, don’t intimidate anyone. Vehicles are already dangerous – you want to know what I want to do when I feel intimidated by you while I’m in my vehicle? I want to run over your creepy stalking ass.
28. Don’t follow people. Again, it’s gross and creepy. You have a mother. You have a sister/cousin/female relative of significance that you care about – WE ARE HER.
29. The post lights are almost always taken, we try, we really do. Parking in well lit areas is increasingly difficult. How about just don’t be an asshole?
30. We shouldn’t have to disguise ourselves to feel safe, you should behave yourself so that we are.
31. Don’t be a fake taxi person. That’s super gross. If this is a plot of yours please leave this post immediately and seek help. You’re wrong. Very, very, very wrong.
32. Don’t put drugs in unattended drinks. We are your mother, your sister, and your cousin.
33. Don’t provide unsolicited commentary. It’s funny because in St. Louis, the guys are WAY more aggressive than in California. I’ve heard “Hey Baby” catcalls turn into “BITCH” in less than 30 seconds. If we ignore you, we’re not interested, that doesn’t make us a bitch. We’re not actually obligated to admire everyone that says we’re pretty (or what ever the fuck else).
34. If you have a female friend leaving a party that’s worried that she doesn’t have enough cell battery power, or if she feels unsafe, or if she’s in a bad way – be a man and by man I mean human. Call a cab to make sure she gets to her destination, take her to her destination, charge her phone so she has that extra sense of security – and most importantly know that none of these actions entitle you to sex.

We’re not yours as you are not ours.

These concepts shouldn’t be difficult to understand, but there’s still a society busy victim blaming. We shouldn’t have to leave the house in preparation for sexual assault, men should leave the house with only the intent to be human.

We are your mother.

We are your sister.

We are your cousin.

We are your banker, doctor, lawyer, shop clerk, girlfriend, friend, coworker.

We are human.

We are what ever female figure that you hold dear. If you walk out the door, viewing all females as such, there are no problems.

This is why I’m a feminist. Feminism is this crazy notion that women are human too.

Case in Point

Not even 5 minutes from the last post I got another love letter.

1. Have never wondered what “side of the fence” I’m on. There is no “fence”, there’s “being a cunt” and “not being a cunt” I’m on the mostly “not being a cunt” side.
2. I’ve shot many guns, fully automatic even. Enjoyed it. Recognize that it’s a privilege, not a right – as in stupid cunts don’t need guns.
3. I’m a lifelong vegetarian because it’s right for me, I don’t give a fuck what you do.
4. I’ve been on my own, taking care of myself since I was 16. If you can make this same claim, I’ll never say another word. BUT you should know, that during the teen years, prior to a well paying job, Planned Parenthood was my only health care facility. I went to them for annual pap smears, precancer screenings, and birth control, because I didn’t want a baby OR an abortion.
5. I’ve never demanded a talk show host be shut down, because I don’t watch talk shows. Or reality TV. BECAUSE IT’S WORTHLESS. There is limited gain to listening to a stranger’s opinion. I love science, and facts proven by experiment. I also know how to change channels.
6. Healthcare is a right. People shouldn’t be forced into poverty because they were genetically unfortunate enough to get cancer. If you were diagnosed with a disease at birth, something like cystic fibrosis, or PKU, etc. and you were denied a policy based on preexisting conditions that made it impossible for you to work and thus obtain a policy through employment you would be singing a different tune. Sick Americans = malleable fragile Americans. This isn’t even an argument.
7. Why would I delete this, it’s fucking hilarious. The assumption and ignorance are epically amazing.

Why Resorting to Name Calling In Internet Arguments is Totally Acceptable

I recognize that I’m pretty far left leaning, call me crazy, I just have this idea that the definition of Big Government, is a government that wants to be in charge of what women do with their bodies, it also ignores the very foundation of this country and wants to deport or deny immigrants, it’s also an entity that gives better tax rates to the rich and to corporations, it advocates religious freedom so long as that religion is Christianity. That is BIG GOVERNMENT, and pretty much the rally cry of the far right.

I have a big mouth. I do. I feel as though I’m old enough to have my own opinions, post them freely, and don’t care in the slightest what other people have to say. Especially on social media. I have a Twitter account, and on my Twitter account, I say things. People respond, a lot of times with total contempt, and I don’t care – because it’s my Twitter account to do with what I wish. It took me decades to formulate my opinion, do you think you’re going to change my mind with a condescending statement 140 characters or less?

Here is how those interactions go:

Me: So-and-so is a fucking twat

Rando-dipshit: Well tell me how you feel when you’re praising allah and wearing a headscarf.

Me: You are also a twat

Rando-dipshit: Name calling libtard!

Me: No there’s no point in arguing with you. (It’s because you are stupid).

Case in point:

1. When you refer to someone on the internet as “darling” followed by an ignorant remark, you are in fact a cunt.
2. When your response to being called cunt (in an amazingly creative way!) is ignoring the fact that you were ignorant, and then speaking in emoticons – you’ve simply proven that you are a cunt, or what ever creative name I should come up with.

My mention of this particular conversation is just an example of several of the conversations I’ve had with totally random assholes. My point is that calling someone out for being ignorant in a crass way is perfectly acceptable while working in a medium of 140 characters or less. This is why I mostly like to Tweet Donald Trump to tell him that I’d like to shit on his head, or that my cat wants to shit on his head.

If you need some ideas for creative names, feel free to borrow from my treasure trove of profanity. It includes such gems as Thundercunt, Asscunt, C U Next Tuesday (not original but fun), Unicunt (for that once in a life time glowing mecca of cuntedness), The Cuntress of Cunttown, sometimes I straight up steal from Kevin Smith and go with Pickle Fucker. Practice makes perfect.

P.S. Condescending Thundercunt – totally a Trump Troll, and there’s just no arguing with that.

The Political Flip-Flop Condemnation and Why Changing Ideas Isn’t Terrible

This is a thing that’s always bothered me. Statements that are basically “(insert politician’s name here) flip-flops on X ideals, and are therefore untrustworthy!”. As an adult human person type being, it’s totally acceptable to change your mind about shit, especially in the name of growth. For example, Hilary Clinton at one point said that she believed marriage should be between a man and a woman, although I suspect she said this under duress as the idea of gay marriage was totally unpopular at the time, and as a human type person, she’s subject to herd mentality. As we all are.

People have a universal need to be liked, especially people in the spotlight. As a result, we tip-toe around issues, or sometimes even say things to appease others. This is kind of a result of a not too distant past of potentially being stoned to death or burned at the stake. Even those that hold claim to not caring if they’re liked or admired are still pandering to an audience, such as people that proudly declare that they’re an asshole – they’re still seeking a pat on the back, just by a group of people that are assholes.

There is nothing wrong with changing your thought process in the name of growth. There is however, something profoundly wrong when someone continues down that path once proven wrong out of the need to be right. For example, Donald Trump. The Donald declared that President Obama was not actually president because he was born in Kenya, and started a fury of people demanding that Obama be removed from office due to fraud – all the while forgetting that President Obama’s mother was born in America, in Wichita Kansas, the “heartland” of this great nation. By definition, regardless of where Obama was born, by law, he’s a naturalized citizen. Once DT was provided with the long form birth certificate from Hawaii that was totally not needed, was there an apology for this obnoxious stirring up of the crazies? Nope. Why? Because the man is incapable of accepting truth other than his own, which is dangerous and irresponsible.

People that accept change and opinions other than their own in the name of growth should be applauded rather than scolded. People that deny fact and reason because it goes against their opinion, should not be held in any regard.

As an adult human I’ve changed my mind about a number of things for a number of different reasons, and it’s awesome, because it’s not only expanding my lexicon of life, but it’s also defining my ability to exercise free will without definition.

A Vegan Lifestyle is SOOOOOOOO Extravagant… *insert eye roll here*

This is probably the second most common statement I hear, the first being “Well where do you get your protein? You need your protein!” (I’ll address that one in the second half of this blog entry).

No a vegan diet is not expensive.

I repeat, being vegan is not expensive.

At least if you have half a brain and are willing to put about two seconds of effort into your food.

Right now, I don’t consider myself vegan, but I’m as animal free as possible. My hangup is cheese. In my defense though, cheese is an addictive substance, I have an addictive personality (thanks parents!), and my slip ups mostly occur at Whole Foods (fucking cheese pushers! With those sneeze dome covered trays of tasty curdled milk nuggets), or when Aunt Flo is about to visit, because really I’m vulnerable to everything during these times and I just need a little fucking sensitivity toward the whole situation happening with the lower half of my body.

In my early 20’s I was vegan, from 19 to 25ish (there was a nervous breakdown thing, we don’t need to go into that, we’ll just say that we’re lucky I ate anything at all). During this period my job was at a bookstore, and believe it or not, but a retail position in your early 20’s pays absolute shit! Extravagant was paying $6 for white rice and steamed veggies from panda express. If you only dine out, yes, eating vegan is extravagant for what you get. Your diet will consist of nothing but simple carbs, such as french fries, and the greens you’ll be getting while going out with your friends will be an iceberg lettuce side salad with fat free Italian dressing (and your part of the bill will still be cheaper). The problem with this is that you will not be healthy, not in the slightest.

So anyway, back in my early 20’s, I had a roommate that was vegetarian, it worked out well. We would grocery shop together, each pitch in $20 and we made it work. Breakfasts were smoothies or day old bagels that we bought and froze for pennies. Lunch we were both away from home and we dealt with ourselves, but I often made big pots of lentils for the both of us, and dinner was soup, salad, both, what ever we could come up with. There was never a period of time where we starved, and more importantly, there was never a period of time when the animals we were consistently bringing home were starved. We spent more money on animal food than people food. Our one big splurge was coffee. Get good coffee. We did buy a protein powder, just in case, because we were also spoon feed the “you need your protein or you will die!” diet crap.

Here are tips that will save you money if you want to be vegan, or even if you don’t want to be vegan, you just like saving money:

1. Know your dirty and clean list. Being vegan doesn’t mean ALL ORGANIC everything. it’s a totally different topic, and up to personal choice. There are some produce items that are worth buying organic (things that grow in close proximity to the ground and do not have a thick outer skin EX: lettuce), there are some produce items that don’t require that you care if they’re organic, because any insecticides present will not affect you because of the thick impenetrable skin (EX: avocados).
2. Know when produce is in season (actually, download this list to your phone, so that you can take it to the store with you always). Produce that’s in season is usually way cheaper, AND there’s a bonus, a lot of these items can be frozen (EX: berries for smoothies), when they go on super crazy cheap sale. Stock up and freeze those bitches. Anytime I can get a good sale on berries, lemons (freeze the juice, grate the rinds and freeze – if organic, if not they make an excellent garbage disposal freshener and a number of other things), bananas, Really I’ll freeze everything except salad greens (not including spinach). Produce that is out of season is usually imported prior to ripening, and is bland, and contributes to the massive food driven carbon output that is happening right now. You know, the thing that the GOP wants to deny is happening so they can blissfully eat their steak without having feelings, all while screwing their children and grandchildren out of a viable planet (they’ll be dead anyway, fuck it!).
3. Look into your farmer’s markets. There’s one out here in St. Louis that is sincerely the most awesome thing ever. Soulard Farmer’s Market, started out in St. Louis in 1779. It is the oldest farmer’s market in the country, and it goes year round. One of the things that is prevalent in farmer’s markets today is produce resellers. These are the guys that go to markets and buy up the stuff that is on the verge of expiring, and sell it. Cheap. Most of the time it’s not bad produce. It might be a funny shape, it might not be covered in wax and shine, but if you’re intending to cook it that night or freeze it, there’s no point in not saving money. Otherwise the shit is just going to end up at the dump, more waste, more methane, more humans being disgusting humans. My first trip to Soulard, I spent $24 – I bought a pineapple, two heads of romaine, some roma tomatoes, an eggplant, some lemons, purple tomatoes, and some spices (and a bloody mary on the way in thank you!). Somewhere near you, or within 10 miles there is a farmer’s market, or flea market that has amazing deals.
4. Cooking at home. I don’t mean that every meal has to be crazy labor intensive. During busy weeks I’ll set aside a couple of hours to make a bunch of shit for hobo bowls, salads, and stews. Hobo bowls are when you take a grain (rice, quinoa, barley etc.), and add what ever the fuck vegetables you feel like, plus a protein source (beans, tofu, tempeh). I always have a bowl filled with salad greens in the fridge, and I buy broccoli slaw at Trader Joe’s ($1.99 for a huge bag that lasts a week), and shredded brussels sprouts (also $2 for a bag) – salads are usually greens, broccoli slaw, brussels sprouts, and anything else I decide to throw in there. For dressing I either make my own, or the Trader Joe’s goddess dressing is exactly like the $4 version at the store, it’s just only $2. Basically, if you put together a list of the things that you like to eat on the regular, and make a weekly grocery list, and do a little prep work.
5. Experiment with new things. There was this one time that I was living in So Cal, and the grocery store across the street was having a crazy sale on radishes. I was really into roasted beets in my salads at the time, but I ended up with 2 lbs of radishes for $1. I roasted them with balsamic and vinegar and guess what? I liked them in my salads just as much as the beets, and I saved $5 that week.
6. Fall in love with bulk bins. Don’t buy organic rice in a $7 12 ounce bag, when you can get 16 ounces of organic rice from a bulk bin for $5.99 a lb. Same for beans, grains, dried fruit snacks, etc.
7. Ugly produce is your friend. Back to that produce reseller thing, sometimes fruit and vegetables are not suitable for the store – they’re not perfectly round, they have a bump, the color isn’t uniform etc. THIS PRODUCE IS USUALLY THROWN AWAY. It’s perfectly good, it just grew a little different. Recently France outlawed this practice and North Carolina is doing the same. I’m hoping that this trend continues, because we have enough food to feed the entire world and then some, it’s just that capitalism is taking the food out of starving peoples mouths and either feeding it to cows, or throwing it in a landfill.

This brings me to the part II of my blog. “You need protein or you will DIE!”. No. You need the availability of all amino acids so that your body can produce protein or you will die. Protein is easily obtained by sacrificing the lives of animals, the health of the planet, and all compassion and morality (yes, I’m being an asshole here, and I don’t care, because it’s true). Protein is just as easily obtained by eating a wide variety of plant matter – because it’s not simply obtained, it’s created, by your body, out of amino acids, that either your body produces, or that come from an outside source. THIS IS FUCKING SCIENCE, IT ISN’T ANYTHING NEW.

You don’t even have to obtain every amino acid in one sitting to create protein.

Your body does it as needed.

The flesh of an animal doesn’t go into your mouth and then suture itself onto your own muscles making them strong.

When you eat the flesh of an animal, enzymes in your mouth break it down, it’s swallowed and further broken down by additional enzymes in your stomach, it enters your lower intestine and nutrients and water are pulled out as needed, and then it enters your small intestine which takes more water from it, and then it’s poop. This same process is carried out with vegetables. Vegetables also have amino acids, the same as meat, it’s just that different vegetables have different amino acids and to get the full spectrum you need variety. Variety totally sucks, I get it.

That’s my rant for the day. If you disagree with this rant, fuck off I don’t care, you’re scientifically illiterate and therefore irrelevant in my world. If you decide to be a dick and respond to this by suggesting I go eat a cow sliced up in which ever way you find appropriate, I will relentlessly send you pictures of for real cancerous colons – because that’s how that shit happens. It’s not just me saying it, it’s science. And if you’re all like #YOLO, I’ll be like “yeah, and then your ass starts bleeding and you don’t get to die peacefully in your sleep at the age of 98 – you get to die screaming because of ass pain”.

How @realDonaldTrump Made Me Reclaim the Word Feminist

Way back a million years ago when I was a kid in school, and learned about all the stuff you learn about, like women’s suffrage, and Roe V. Wade, and how everything is equal now, and you can be anything you want to be, and tralalalalala…….It was kind of like “Ok, everything is good now, good thing I was born at this time! I’m set – thank you previous generations for being fucking awesome!”, but then I left the loving arms of my parents to enter the real world.

My parents have opinions, but they’re definitely not embroiled in any hate culture nasties like sexism, racism, homophobia etc. They are very live and let live, respect people, animals, and life in general – basically taught me a “don’t be a dick” style philosophy, which seems like a very simple concept, but it’s unfortunately lost on the majority of the populace. Now, because of the glorious internet – they all have voices that can reach out far and wide. Thank you internet!

Somewhere around the mid-to-late-90’s I noticed that the term Feminist turned into something scary and evil. “Shock Jocks” like Rush Limbaugh, and Tom Leykis were gaining these little weird tribes of toddler manboypigs all ready to scream “get in the kitchen or get on your knees!”. Hissing that female empowerment was castrating. I remember the term “Feminazi” spat out any time anyone was the least bit offended and vocal about blatant inequality. Decades and decades of gaining “equal rights” and we’re still being told to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.

Fast forward to today, and we still have a good number of women in the entertainment industry vehemently denying the word feminist. Why? What does it even mean to be a Feminist?

When you pull up the Webster’s dictionary definition, it’s simply someone who supports feminism, and feminism is the “theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes”. So why the fuck is that scary? That’s normal, or at least what should be normal. What it amounts to is a bunch of manboys, scared that someone is going to take their power away. Dude, we don’t want your power, we just don’t want to live in a world where we are forced to get by on $.77 of the $1 you make while you slap our asses and tell us to get your coffee.

I’ve owned the word “feminist” for a long while now, but I’ve never wanted to scream it off roof-tops until Donald Trump started his campaign. Everyone knows the horrible things he says about women. It’s highly publicized, and for some reason laughed off as an innocuous byproduct of the time and privilege in which he was raised. What is concerning about it is that he’s vying for a position that represents this country, and his minions are absorbing and regurgitating his backwards beliefs as truth.

I started a Twitter account a long time ago, but never really used it until I was coerced into adding all kinds of family members on the Facebook, some of which don’t appreciate my dirty sailer mouth. I like bad words. I consider them the color in the salad. Salads aren’t pretty when they’re all green, they’re pretty when you throw red, pink, yellow, and sometimes purple in there. I have a colorful, dirty sailor mouth, and I’ve been on this planet long enough to have earned it. So I may protect gramma’s delicate ears on FB, she’s not on twitter, and I’m an adult. One of the things that I’ve noticed on Twitter, is that DT, and his minions, the moment they want to shut down a woman, they attack their looks. I mean everything from calling Rosie O’Donnell a fat cow, and Bette Middler “grotesque”, to saying that because Bill stepped out (fucking creep), how in the world would Hillary be able to satisfy the country’s needs? Because you know, we’re here because vagina and bringing you pie?

I don’t care that one douche says these things. I care that he inspires tribes of poorly educated, easily brainwashed minions to follow suit.  They see a billionaire spewing this hate vomit, and think that they’ll one day be as successful as he is, in a private plane, buying mail-order model brides, living a life that they can only dream about, but the thing is, Trump was handed this life. He didn’t earn it from the ground up. He has zero concept of what it is to struggle, and wouldn’t do a damn thing to help someone that he saw struggling if he didn’t think it would benefit him more.  

This whole post was brought on by an interesting Twitter exchange. I had commented on an article about how Trump bragged about how he wouldn’t have let the Black Lives Matter protesters interrupt him. He said that it made Bernie Sanders look weak. I was stoked that he keeps alienating every group in the country except old white dudes, because that pretty much ensures a failed campaign. Then I had a fun little exchange with a born again Christian that insisted if I followed the path to Jesus I would find my way to Trump. No, for serious. It went like this:

And then I got this (and responded – although, I’m sure the sarcasm was lost, being the internet and all.

Notice what he did there? Not one of those things that’s supposed to be an insult was about me. The funniest thing was that I googled SJW because, me, having been in science school (totally the correct term) for the last couple of years thought that maybe that was a known eyeglass brand, and since I consider the glasses in the picture quite comfortable I was stoked to find a new supplier – thanks random internet asshole! Yep, I’m too dumb to know that SJW stands for “Social Justice Warrior” or at least I was until last night. My acronyms are all like AAR (ALT/AST ratio) and ZIP (Zinc, Iron, Protein), because my small girl brains only know medical shit.

So really, let’s breakdown Mr. @Solo47454518‘s tweet. I look up this SJW BS and come up with social justice warrior. According to the urban dictionary thingy, it’s “A pejorative term for an individual who repeatedly and vehemently engages in arguments on social justice on the Internet, often in a shallow or not well-thought-out way, for the purpose of raising their own personal reputation.” Oh my! That sounds like I might have been called a name! Do all of these SJW’s wear the same glasses like a dark mark? I’ve worn acetate glasses since I was 9, they’re comfortable on the ears and don’t squeeze my head after hours of wear, have I subconsciously fallen to the darkside in my quest for vision?! HOLY SHIT! Unkept hair? Well, yeah, my hair is naturally curly, and I often allow it to remain this way because working 12 hour shifts and allowing time for homework, and hopefully a few minutes of a social life, isn’t exactly conducive to a 45 minute wrangling with a flatiron. Sorry dude, I like sleep just like you do. “Typical special snowflake nosering”, well now you’re just being sarcastic, and sucking at it. Hey, everyone with a septum piercing – according to @Solo47454518 you’re not a special snowflake, because bunches of people have them, we should all get offended right the fuck now! Not that it needs an explanation, but I got my septum pierced when I was 16, because it was easily hidden. I actually remember the day that I took that picture, it was to show off my new cat-eye glasses that I got for a total bargain, and I had been cleaning, found the nose ring, and for fun put it in. Hadn’t worn it in years. but I think now, I might just go ahead and buy a great big obnoxious septum clicker, that way I get more people to laugh at. Finally, I believe he meant “figuratively” in his shallow observation of my avatar. My comfortable glasses and lack of time make me “figuratively” a complete tool. Fuck the internet and it’s opportunities for inappropriate word choice by stupid people – LITERALLY STUPID PEOPLE. See, that’s correct usage, literally is not just a word used to emphasize something, it actually means something. English, totally crazy right?

Notice how none of these points were even about me. They were about a teeny picture that I thought was funny, and happened to like, and never bothered to change, FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS, because I’ve been doing shit. It’s not necessary for me to change the picture, I’m not trying deceive anyone, or hook up with anyone. I already have the best, smartest, hottest husband in the universe.

The only reason why I’m writing this, is because it’s not the first time it’s happened. This dude is far from original. It’s the same for every girl. We reflect on one, but it’s only after hundreds or sometimes thousands of douchebag minion bullshit.

On the internet, I’m consistently “put in my place” *eye roll* by someone with some major insecurity issues. I’ve been told that a total stranger “Will pray for my family” because he feels sorry for them, yeah dude, get on your fucking knees, sorry I can’t join you, I’ve got shit to do. I’ve also had individual parts of my face and or body been mentioned as a point of concern such as my “pretty mouth”, “dirty mouth” etc. A lot of mouth talk. It’s weird and creepy. Also lots of boob talk, because I have those. Two of them even. More than a handful. It’s totally genetic, can’t do a thing about it without serious medical intervention. Just like I can’t do much to surgically remove heads from the asses of anyone who finds @Solo47454518‘s unsolicited opinion a clever retort.

Until the GOP finds a candidate that doesn’t consistently vote against my gender – directly affecting me, my well being, and pursuit of happiness, I will not give them my vote, and will actively display disdain for their practice, because WHO SMELT IT DELT IT. Yes I’m using fart logic. You fart evil hate in my house, I return the favor. Totally fair. Totally equal. Now fuck off, and come back with a good insult this time. One that doesn’t have to do with my looks, because if I was really concerned about that, I could totally fix it.

In the words of the great Christina Aguilera (yeah this goth bitch has her own movie montage, and it’s always to this song):

“Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter”

I thank you @realDonaldTrump, for exposing the truth about the people that believe in you. I am a fucking feminist, because that’s an interest specific to my gender. And it’s awesome, because women are awesome, not the awesomest – just equally as awesome as our male counterparts.